WHAT WOULD YOU DO? by Sherri McGimsey

Tomorrow, I have to go into a team meeting to discuss my son, Matthew, who suffers from schizophrenia. They want me to sign papers giving permission for them to start looking for a new placement for him. For my son and his beautiful mind. He has (for how many days?) been housed in a mental hospital ward, not the ideal place for your son to live but it’s the only place he’s been stable and safe for the past year.

After fourteen years of watching him suffer through depression, delusions, and overwhelming fear, (“Having a rough time“ — that’s what he would call the bad days) how does a parent do this? Sign their sick child away?

If you’ve never seen a young adult decompensate from schizophrenia, it’s like watching your loved one being tortured by his mind. You stand by helpless. Nothing you can do but love him enough to fight him to get the help he needs. I'm not sure if I’m brave enough to let him go after 53 odd hospitals stays, and five times tracking him down when he gets paranoid and does a walk-about. Will all the progress he's made, all the stability he's gained be lost?  

The only place they can find for him to live is far away. Too far for weekly visits, too far for passes on Saturday or Sunday afternoons, too far to cherish the few family moments this illness allows us. Moments others take for granted — to sit and relax, to walk the dogs, to just be with family.

Yesterday was the best he’s been in years. Finding a comfortable, safe, and caring place for him to live shouldn’t be so difficult. But it doesn’t exist — not for our children who suffer from serious mental illness.

So I sit here shaking and wondering if will we survive another calculated risk. Another shift that could send Matthew back into the dark of his illness. He fights the horrible betrayal of his mind, and I fight a system that is broken, and a world that really doesn’t understand the failure to help those who suffer with serious mental illness unless it happens to one of their own. 

I’m going to let this rest for now and enjoy the remainder of my day with our other son and his family. But tell me, what would you do if you had to walk into a meeting tomorrow and sign your sick child away? Would this broken system break your heart too?

 

Postscript:  I want to thank everyone who had us in your prayers and thoughts yesterday. You will never know how much that means when we're navigating the unknown of finding a forever home for our son with SMI. I would also like to say thank you to his team who has cared and worked to get him so stable.

I could not sign our child away.

There is no cure for schizophrenia. Stable is as good as it gets and I want Matthew this stable for as long as humanly possible. Sending you all thank you's, hugs, and love.

Matthew and Sherri

Matthew and Sherri

A MOTHER'S DIARY by Dede Ranahan - GOING FORWARD

Hi Everyone,

I'm back from my blog break and posting more stories on Blog 1 (Your Stories) beginning tomorrow. My blog of Sooner Than Tomorrow - A Mother's Diary is completed. I'm leaving the blog (Blog 2) open for new readers while I research the best way to get my writing published. It's a daunting undertaking.

While attending a writer's conference, one speaker gave me this good news. She said (to the audience): "The publishing world is changing."
"If you're an unknown writer over 70, don't try to find a publisher."
"If you're an unknown writer of a memoir, don't try to find a publisher."
"If you're writing in diary format, don't try to find a publisher."
"If you're writing about mental illness, don't try to find a publisher."
"If you're writing about someone who died less than ten years ago, don't try to find a publisher."

Hmm? My writing checks all her boxes. What should I do? Give up? Go away? Write something else that means nothing to me? These are fighting words.

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I've lots to consider. If I self-publish, among other things, I have to buy an ISBN number, apply for a LCCN number from the US Library of Congress, hire a professional cover designer, hire a professional graphic designer to format the interior pages of my print book and/or to convert it to an eBook, possibly purchase an editorial book review, and register my book with the US Copyright Office. 

Then there's marketing. Posting my book on Amazon doesn't cut it. People have to know it's there. They have to be directed to it.

So I'm asking myself, what do I want to accomplish? I know I want my diary in finished book format per my original intent which was to leave a book for my descendants. Should I defy all odds and look for an agent/publisher? Should I publish my book myself? If you've read A Mother's Diary on my blog and you have any thoughts on this, please let me know. Your feedback will help me sort out what I should do going forward. dede@soonerthantomorrow.com

If you haven't read A Mother's Diary, it's still available on Blog 2. To read My Diary from the beginning, read the Introduction in the navigation bar above, then go to "Scenes from the Trenches" June 14, 2017, in the Archives on the right hand side of the blog page. To continue reading, scroll up in the archives from June 14, 2017. 

I didn't know, as I was writing, that I was capturing the last year of my son's life. In A Mother's Diary, his voice comes through loud and clear. However this goes, I'm grateful. In these pages, Pat will always be alive.

All my best, Dede

P.S. If you aren't subscribed to Blog 1, it's continuing. Hope you'll sign on. If for nothing else, for Happy Pics :-)

UPDATE ON TYLER by Kimberlee West

Our 19-year-old son is autistic with a serious mental illness but never mind that. Those facts are not factors within the Department of Justice. Tyler was sentenced to 20 months to 15 years. The judge checked 20 months — the minimum. Ty has already served 544 days. He will be transferred from jail to Jackson, Michigan prison. Once there, he'll meet with a parole board who will decide if he serves five months or 13 months or more.

Ty plead guilty to the home invasion (sleeping on our neighbors sofa) and a CS3 (third degree criminal sexual conduct in Michigan). There were no victim impact statements. None of the victims ever came to court. He will have five years of probation. He could come home in five months to one year and one month. He could be placed in a halfway house. There's no circuit court for mental health. There's no real treatment or help. There's lots of money involved and fines. Tyler had every reason to fight but dragging this out  could have added an extra year onto his sentence. It's exhausting when, as parents, we do our very best and it still isn't enough. We hope to God Ty survives prison. He's not a fighter. He's a sweet kid. 

The court gave us one hour notice, today, for Ty's plea. The prosecutor tried every trick including trying to renege on our deal of no more than 20 months for both cases. He tried giving Ty three more years. He tried to put Ty on the sex offender list. He was unsuccessful. We're thankful for our private attorney who stopped that with a statue and case law.  Even though the girl involved told the hospital nothing happened, our chances with the jury were slim. Juries usually don't vote "not guilty" for mentally ill people.

We need a law that says it's illegal to take advantage of a disabled, handicapped person. People used to understand what handicapped meant. Now it's politically incorrect and we call it an intellectual disability. Legally, this means someone knows better after 17 and can be charged like everyone else. Our attorney had a downs syndrome person sentenced to 10 years. This is what we've become. It's shameful. I've worked with kids with disabilities for over 35 years. They were born that way. Yet, for reasons beyond my understanding, the court doesn't recognize that. The burden should be on the prosecution to prove that disability was not a factor in committing a crime before the disabled person is charged with a crime. 

If my son were on drugs or alcohol, he'd get a break. If he were a vet, he'd get a break. 
If he were a violent offender, he'd most likely be released. The inmate, who beat Tyler up and knocked him out cold and then fired a gun at someone, was released from jail. Yet Ty's still there. 
He's simply seriously mentally ill. 

We haven't spoken to Ty since he left Muskegon. He's quarantined for 30 days. It's standard for entering Michigan prison. We have no way to contact him except by mail. We tried to put money on his phone and commissary accounts but were not allowed to do so.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to many of you. Thank you for writing letters, supporting us, and praying through Tyler's trial. We'd love to give bear hugs to every one of you who supported us. Your kindness is overwhelming. Please continue to pray for his safety and release.

Tyler

Tyler

See more stories about Tyler by Kimberlee West. Click in the Archives on the right hand side of the blog.

August 22, 2017 - Walk A Mile In Our Shoes
November 15, 2017 - Hope One Day We'll Have Real Choices
January 12, 2018 - The Failure of Kevin's Law

AH REALITY. IT SUCKS by Laurie Mendoza

The room and board my son was in decided not to serve three meals a day. They can do that because room and boards aren't always licensed. It's a breach in the rental agreement. But who has money for an attorney? I had major problems with my car this month. My son knew I wouldn't be able to help him. He made the decision that he didn't want to pay these landlords more money for services they don't provide.

So Sunday he got a storage unit. He  paid on it for two months and moved out. He wants to be able to buy his own cigarettes and food since the room and board only buys $40 worth of food for a week. That's for 13 people. My son was paying $750 per month for a shared room. Figure this one. $750 times 13. That averages to about $9,000.00 a month. Now multiple that by 12 months. That's how much they're making off the mentally ill and seniors and they run at least three houses. The two landlords each have arrest records.

My son is kind of emotionally flat lining. He's out on the streets and he doesn't like it this time. If he'd stayed at that house he wouldn't have had enough to eat. He really wanted to find another place but his phone broke. Phones are important to everyone but especially to people with serious mental illness. He's sleeping in alleyways. No way to call 911. Plus the phone plays music and music keeps the voices away. He has no close friends. He wanders the streets of Carmichael, California. The sheriff or security guards taser him to keep him moving. He does have goals but little things knock him back. Ah reality. It sucks.

Read more about Laurie's son. Click in the Archives on the right hand side of this blog.

March 27, 2018 - How Turing Point Failed My Son

An alleyway for Laurie's sonPhoto credit: harland spinksphoto/flickr

An alleyway for Laurie's son
Photo credit: harland spinksphoto/flickr

PRISON CORRESPONDENCE by Travis Christian and Dede Ranahan

June 1, 2018

Dede

I am waiting for visitor applications. I have asked for them but now it's up to the prison to find some. I would love for you to come visit me.

I've been struggling lately with my mood. I think it's the coffee. I haven't been exercising as much as I want to. I've been drinking too much coffee. My spirits are up and I'm not hopeless, so that's good. Life is needy. It take a lot of maintenance to stay healthy. Sometimes I don't want to do the work. But, I believe God has a purpose with my life. I have good days and bad days.

I hope you're ok. Sorry, I haven't written. I've been hoping to send you an application. How's your book going? Don't feel obligated to write me. I appreciate when you do.

I just finished exercising and now I feel on top of the world. I'm getting ready to watch the NBA finals. Have a good night.

Hugs, Travis.

Travis on Mother's Day 2018

Travis on Mother's Day 2018

June 4, 2018

Travis,

I just received your letter and I'm so glad to hear from you. I'd love to come visit you and I hope the prison provides the visitor applications soon.

I sent you a book, Crafting the Personal Essay by Dinty W. Moore. It's been a while since I ordered it from Amazon and tracking shows it was delivered. I hope you've received it by now. There's lots of how-to books about writing out there. Some are better than others. My gauge for how well I like a book is by the number of underlinings I've made and the number of asterisks I've placed in the margins. I've left a lot of markings in my copy of this book :-)

I'm almost to the last posting of A Mother's Diary on my blog. I'm feeling trauma again in reliving the end of Pat's life. This seems to demand lots of energy. Emotional energy. I sit in nature and take deep breaths. I crave silence. I embrace solitude. That's how I listen to myself. It's how I "hear" Pat's voice, too. I hope my writing is helpful to those who are reading our story.  Soon, I'll undertake the big learning curve about how to get my book into print. If nothing else, I want to leave professional, hard-bound copies for my daughters and my grandchildren.

Are you in touch with your friend, Jorge? I posted his letter on my blog and wrote to him. I haven't heard back and I hope he's doing okay.  I'll send him another letter. No worries. I don't feel "obligated" to write to you, Travis. I want to write to you. I send you good thoughts every single day.

Hugs back. Dede

Travis' mailing address:
Travis Christian BB8099
B-1-211
C.S.P. - SAC
P.O. Box 290066
Represa, CA 95671

IT'S KIND OF LIKE A DAILY "SOPHIE'S CHOICE" by Gwendolyn Bartley

Happy to report that Mike and Kristy handled the wedding and after parties with great success. My parents accompanied me in taking Mike back to his group home yesterday and, unfortunately, they witnessed our reality there. The group home is run down and dingy which is the typical group home. We have been able to make Mike's bedroom nice as we have the freedom to decorate, clean, and make it his space. My parents also saw first-hand how quickly violence escalates among the young men living there. One beat the snot out of another on the floor as we entered the living room. For all those who say mentally ill people are not violent, come spend a day here. 

This is not where or how I want Mike to live but I have no other options in order to protect my other children at home. I struggle with this every day of my life and battle that I'm sacrificing his quality of life to protect Eric, Kristy and Shannon. It's kind of like a daily "Sophie's choice."

It is deplorable living for the children. The caregivers are mediocre at best. There are only a handful of these group homes available in the state and all are equally as terrible. Beds are limited and I'm fortunate to have this home only 30 minutes away. I pray daily for another option to become available for Mike. Meanwhile, I walk a tightrope advocating for his living conditions and care. I don't want him kicked out or treated poorly because his mom complains too much.

No one wants a group home in their community but people are shocked when they learn that I can't find another location for Mike. Please be open minded to allowing more group homes in your community. I will go my grave fighting for the improvement and quality of these facilities for children and adults who have already suffered enough.

Mike

Mike