NIKKI AND KEVIN - PART ONE by Nikki Landis

Kevin got out of the hospital Friday and was admitted to another hospital yesterday. When he got out Friday he was agreeable to the new treatment plan. Monday morning, when it came time to call and make some appointments, the agreeableness was gone. He got very agitated, started yelling, and broke our back door.

He left and started calling people trying to have our kids put in foster care. He's decided I'm a terrible mom and he can't take care of them, so they need foster parents. Unfortunately, the police showed up and questioned me in front of the kids. So they saw and heard too much. And his breaking the back door scared them badly enough that they don't want to see him. I worked for years to shelter them from the majority of his bad symptoms and, within 12 hours, it was all undone.

Yesterday, Kevin texted me not knowing what was going on, and he didn't seem to remember much of what happened Monday. He went to his psychiatrist and was admitted. This morning, I called him to see about meeting with his social worker about housing or residential treatment and he's a totally different person. He is not sick. I'm the problem. If we get a divorce then he will be fine. He has a whole alternate reality version of Monday that sounds like a typical marital fight — nothing like what actually happened.

Kevin is diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, and severe PTSD (combat related). He can't come home. We've reached the point where I can't protect the kids from him anymore. But I'm a fighter and I'm not willing to throw in the towel. I believe he could become stable again. 

The first time I read I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help it was a library copy. Then I gave away the copy I bought. I overnighted a new copy that will be here tomorrow. This is a different situation than I've been in before. I'm more detached and he is sicker. While I wait for my new copy, his anosognosia comes and goes. He accepts that he is sick until it's time to see a provider. It's the same pattern every time. When it's time to see a new doctor or therapist he freaks out and causes major drama. Within a few days, he comes up with a plausible story of some typical fight couples have. Then he decides he's completely fine.

Have any of your loved ones accepted long-term that they are sick? This has become the biggest barrier to his care but it is evolving so fast that I can't keep up and I need advice.

To be continued.

 Nikki and Kevin

Nikki and Kevin