I started out life with a case of attention deficit disorder. I was always different from most of the kids in school. I ended up with good grades and participated in sports and such. Every day was a struggle, though, wondering why I wasn't like the rest of the kids.
As an adult things seemed fine — married, two children, a home, a life! One day it all came crashing down. Suicide attempt. No husband. Kids live with my mom and dad. I'm homeless and wondering who turned on the spin cycle?
Many years and medications later, I decided I couldn't take another pill, another counselor, or another psychologist staring at me and not saying a word. I've not taken one pill or seen one professional until a week ago.
In the last seven months, I've become aware of my new husband's infidelity and have heard many promises of change. I've been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and he with Parkinson's disease. I no longer feel stable. Depression's grabbed hold of me, anxiety flows through my veins, insomnia's my best friend, and I just want someone to turn off the damn spin cycle.
I didn't choose for these things to go wrong in my life. I've made stupid decisions and suffered the consequences, but I'm not my disease and it doesn't define me. I have an illness that I've finally decided to conquer with another intake at a mental health center, and most likely medications to combat these ever exhausting symptoms of life in the fast lane courtesy of messed up genes.
I'm still optimistic that I'll succeed in life and in the things I want to do. For now, I'll just keep pushing through this mess I call living with hopes to come out the other side of the tunnel full of new found harmony.