LORD, HAVE MERCY ON US ALL by Anne Schmidt Francisco

I've been scared a lot in life, but only one thing has left such fearful, indelible impressions on my mind. That is experiencing and living inside the third world reality that families like mine endure and fight against. Loving someone who is unaware of his broken brain, who lunges like a speeding train toward the horrors imposed by a society that is neglectful and uncaring. Today, and many days, I feel fearful and afraid. I can't erase the ugly nightmares along the road of losing Josh, nor the suffering of other families. Lord, have mercy on us all.

Anne & Josh

Anne & Josh

Anne writes: This is the last day I saw Josh smile. Delusions of grandeur prevailed in his mind. It was the next day that police took him into custody. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter of incarceration and solitary confinement that ended in his death in prison 19 months later.

#SHATTERINGSILENCE4SMI by Teresa Pasquini

Teresa's comments to 40 law enforcement officers from across the county at a NAMI Contra Costa Crisis Intervention Training (CIT): 10/24/17

Good afternoon, my name is Teresa Pasquini. I am a lifelong resident of West Contra Costa County, a former Contra Costa Mental Health Commissioner, a NAMI Contra Costa member and a state and national advocate. 

Today I speak as the proud mom of an adult child with schizoaffective disorder. He is also a former inmate No. 201202796 in Napa County. He became an inmate upon being arrested while a patient at Napa State Hospital. Contra Costa Mental Health had sent him to Napa State Hospital on a civil, not criminal, commitment because he was very sick. He has had all charges dropped after 5 years. Today he is doing very well at a rehab facility in Merced County. I spend my free time speaking out about our family journey because I want the world to know that he is more than an illness or a number. His name is Danny and he is a beloved son. 

Our son’s first involuntary hold was a suicide by cop type event. He was 16. I have had to call the police over 50 times in the past 19 years in order to get him medical care. He was 5150d every time, which is not easy. That usually meant that we were living on the edge, in fear of what he would do to himself or someone else. We knew that if we called too soon he wouldn’t be taken into the hospital. So we waited and, when the time was right, my husband would stand watch while I snuck into the back room and dialed 911 and said, “Please hurry.”

We have had to watch our son walk out of our front door in handcuffs to the waiting ambulance too many times. It is the same door that I carried him through as a baby. This illness and system were not included in the dreams for our newborn son and our family. But now that they are our reality, I have committed to partnering with anyone to fix what I call the system of luck and heroics. All of us in this room are part of that system and we need to join our voices and start shattering silence about the chaos of care. 

I believe in the power of public health and safety partnerships that include providers, law enforcement, detention staff, psychiatrists, judges, public defenders, DAs, nurses, case managers, peers, families and our neighbors. We are allies, not enemies, and we must help each other design a system of health and care, not luck and heroics. I am proud to be a founding member of the Behavioral Health Care Partnership at Contra Costa Regional Medical Center that was created in 2009. Under the leadership of the CEO, Anna Roth, we intentionally brought in law enforcement to work with us on the system redesign on our psychiatric units. 

Since 2010, I've sat on the Executive Team of our county hospital and health systems as a patient and family advisor and I have worked closely with Lieutenant Sheriff Jeff Moule. In October 2014, I joined Lt. Moule at the National Quality Forum in Washington DC to share the story of our partnership at the Contra Costa Regional Medical Center. The name of the conference was called Hardwiring Humanity into Healthcare. Our session was titled “ A Mom and a Sheriff Partner to Create a Safe, Humane Environment for People with Mental Illnesses.” What a concept!

We're all trying so hard to fix this system. We aren’t there yet but days like today will bring us closer to change. And, change must happen because too many people with serious mental illnesses are still dying on the streets, in solitary or with their rights on because we still haven't designed a system that will provide the right care at the right time and in the right place. We still need a right to treatment before tragedy. 

It must be noted that many families are afraid to call 911 when their loved one is in a psychiatric crisis and they should be. People with untreated mental illness are 16 times more likely to be killed during a police encounter than other civilians approached or stopped by law enforcement, according to a study released by the Treatment Advocacy Center. “By dismantling the mental illness treatment system, we have turned mental health crisis from a medical issue into a police matter,” said John Snook, executive director and a co-author of the study. “This is patently unfair, illogical and is proving harmful both to the individual in desperate need of care and the officer who is forced to respond.”

This Treatment Advocacy Center Report, “Overlooked in the Undercounted: The Role of Mental Illness in Fatal Law Enforcement Encounters," urges lawmakers to reduce loss of life and the many social costs associated with police shootings by enacting public policies that will:
• Restore the mental health system so that individuals with severe mental illness are not left to deteriorate until their actions provoke a police response;
• Fund reliable federal tracking and reporting of all incidents involving the use of deadly force by law enforcement, whether lethal or not; and
• Assure that the role of mental illness in fatal police shootings is identified and reported in government data collection.”

Today, I call myself a recovering angry mom. I try hard not to blame and shame because I know that people don’t go to work each day to do harm. And, I want you all to know that my husband and I have done everything in our power to prevent harm, and protect our son and our community. We made those 911 calls knowing that things could go wrong but knowing we had no choice but to call for help. We are so grateful that when we needed you, you were there. 

It's been the Sheriff deputies, not the health system, who've sent help to my home for the past 19 years during a mental health crisis. It's the deputies who've sat with my husband and me and comforted us when our son was placed in handcuffs and walked to an ambulance. It's often law enforcement that's on the front line and leading the way. But, it's time to lead together. 

We've been waiting 50 years for a system of hospital-based and community services to be complete in order to prevent failing and jailing. We can’t keep waiting. So, I thank you for being here today learning together, because, really, we're all on the front line and together is the only way forward.

Please share Teresa's comments with those who have no experience with serious mental illness (SMI). We need public support in order to change our criminal mental health system. We need a mental illness system that recognizes SMI as a physical brain illness and doesn't "jail and fail" those with SMI.

A "Danny Collage." Teresa says, "Someday I hope that Danny and I can tell our story together."

A "Danny Collage." Teresa says, "Someday I hope that Danny and I can tell our story together."

DEPRESSION by Donna Hairston

Two weeks ago, I ended up in a difficult situation. At the time I thought I handled it pretty well. Even when I went to therapy that Monday, I was convinced that I wasn’t bothered.

The next day, I didn’t leave the bed. The bathroom and kitchen were my only destinations. The day after that the same. Since I’ve been through this a million times, I knew what was coming.

A visit from The Monster.

You would think that I’d be able to fight him off by now. That I would have his death planned out. Nope. He’s a crafty bastard. He sneaks up on me. He wears nice clothes most times. Whispers sweet nothings. I drop my guard thinking he’s a friend. And then….

The bed is my bestie. Pajamas and ratty t-shirts become my uniforms. My hair is styled into a matted afro. Hygiene is basic and quick.

Mirrors avoided. Conversations muted.

Insomnia. Staring at the TV. Reading is limited to medicine bottles and commercials.

It’s like drowning. You’re paddling. People are screaming “STAND UP! JUST STAND UP!” They don’t know that the monster is holding your legs. The only thing you can do is lift your chin a little bit above the water.

Exhaustion. Sleep 12 hours and wake up exhausted. Sleep 3 hours and wake up zombie like.
Days run together. Time means nothing. Appointments are ignored. Parenthood is suspended. “Thank God my kids are older,” is what I whisper. I remember the days when they were younger and the monster visited. #sigh How am I still living?

“Get out of the house.“ Come by for a visit.“ Call a friend." Don’t they understand that all of those things are painful? That walking to the next room takes all of my strength?

No, I won’t tell them. “I’m doing ok. Thanks.” That’s my standard reply. “I’ll see you soon.” Yeah, right.

On the 11th day I left the house. Alone. I had to squint because the light shocked me. Maybe this is the beginning of his departure. Hope?

Nah. 30 minutes. He came with me. Followed me everywhere. I think he even drove me back home.

We’re back in the bed. Staring at the TV. Wearing our uniforms. Praying for sleep. Or maybe even death. It’s hard to tell some days.

I hope he goes home soon. I have a birthday coming up. They expect me to be semi-sociable. #sigh

Donna

Donna

MY LIFE HAS CHANGED by Andrea Turner

I have to say my life has changed so much.

I'll admit, I was really bad when I was younger. Drank alcohol everyday. But since my diagnosis of schizo-affective disorder back in 2007, I don't drink anymore. I don't know that much about meds, but once I was put on meds and had a clear mind, my thinking changed altogether.

I do have a social drink now and then, but not like I used to. Now, I really don't care for alcohol. I drink a lot of coffee and I know that's not good either. I don't use drugs  — only the ones prescribed. I understand about serious mental illness and remember what I went through. It's hell for the person hearing the voices. Well, for me, anyway.

I like the life I'm living today and never want to go back to my old life again. I know too many people who've passed away because they were living the kind of life I was living.

Andrea, her dad, Howard and Duke

Andrea, her dad, Howard and Duke

WE NEED HOLISTIC HEALTH CARE FOR PEOPLE WITH SMI by Cheri VanSant

My friend from church with serious mental illness (SMI), was hospitalized for severe depression about eight weeks ago. She is 67 years old and has managed her illness very well for many years. This time, however, she appeared to be having neurological symptoms that were unusual for her.

With no family of her own I, as just a friend who's also an RN, had no clout in suggesting a neurological consult. The hospital psychiatrist agreed she needed to be seen by a neurologist, but for some reason that didn't happen. After a week in the hospital, she was stabilized, psychiatrically, and sent home.

After returning home, my friend had a seizure and was taken to the ER where an MRI was done. The MRI showed that she has a massive brain tumor (growing for at least 30 years) that's operable but still very dangerous to remove surgically.

Why didn't someone do a MRI scan when my friends symptoms first appeared? Why do health care professionals think that SMI patients' problems are always psych problems? Holistic healthcare was the mantra when I was in nursing school. We were told to look at the complete person, but that's not my observation in the medical world today. People with psychiatric brain disorders are treated differently.

I'm so sad, tonight, that I didn't fight harder for my sweet friend. It's so important that we caregivers demand better overall healthcare for our loved ones.

No one cares about crazy people.

Photo credit: A New Day Rising - Stuart Williams/flickr

Photo credit: A New Day Rising - Stuart Williams/flickr

HAPPENING NOW: MY SON'S LIFE IS AT RISK by Sherry Hunter

Current update on my son, Mitchel John:
(See Sherry Hunter's post on this blog October 10, 2017: "I'm Furious at Our Criminal Mental Health System.")

At approximately 6 p.m. last night, he was released from Utah County Jail. Instead of the jail calling me, as his legal guardian, they thought it would be cool to just transport him into Provo (I live in Spanish Fork) and drop him off at the historical court house. He managed to walk to a local sandwich shop and call me. He was disoriented and had no idea where he was at. Luckily, the sandwich shop showed up on my caller ID and I was able to figure out where he was. I told him to sit tight and that his stepfather, Mark, and I would be there shortly to pick him up. Now remember, my son is experiencing extreme psychosis and has been locked up in the county jail for the past week. 

By the time we arrived at the sandwich shop, there were three police cars parked in front. My son was sitting in the back of one of the cars. According to the Provo police department, they'd been called to the scene because Mitchel was in the middle of the street without any clothes on. Nude. 

My husband and I stood there and told the officers everything that had transpired over the past few weeks. We explained that Mitchel lives with schizophrenia and has been in psychosis for  three to four weeks.  "Each facility he's been admitted to has dismissed our recommendations to keep him in isolation because he's a danger to himself and others. He's acted out at both psychiatric facilities (Utah Valley Regional Medical Center Psychiatric Unit and Provo Canyon Behavioral Psychiatric Hospital) and has been arrested at both facilities and placed in Utah County Jail with no medication."

Our lovely system at work "treating" the mentally ill. 

The police pink slipped him (detained him to an emergency hospital setting) but weren't able to admit him to Utah State Hospital because it was after hours. The only other choice was Utah Valley Regional. Again .

Meanwhile, Wasatch Mental Health crisis department is working with Utah Valley Regional giving them a briefing of my son's medical and psychiatric history. 

Mark and I followed the Provo police to the hospital and waited there with Mitchel for a few hours. They restrained him and sedated him. He's not making any sense. And, of course, without being on any of his medications for the past two-weeks, he's only gotten worse with the psychosis. 

As of right now, as far as I know, he's still on the psychiatric unit at UVRMC. I've been in touch with Utah State Hospital and Mitchel's former psychiatrist who treated him for close to five-years. We want him to be admitted to Utah State Hospital where he will get the treatment he needs. I don't know why this has to be so damn complicated. It's cut and dry. He needs to be at the state hospital. I'm tired of the run around and being told that there are not enough beds to assist him. Screw that. My son's life is at risk. If he acts out and is arrested one more time, I don't know if he's going to make it. 

The officers who were called to the scene last night were trained as CIT (crisis intervention training) officers so they know how to handle a person with mental illness. We lucked out on that. The other two times, at both psychiatric facilities, the police were not CIT trained officers. 

Oh, and according to the paperwork that was in Mitchel's bag of belongings, he had another court date set for him for this afternoon at 1:30 p.m. I called the courthouse and told them that he was currently an inpatient on a psych unit and he would not be appearing. Their response: Too bad, so sad. We'll have to put a warrant out for his arrest then. 

Everyone who knows me through my posting on Facebook for the past 5/6 years knows how sick my son has been with schizophrenia. He spent five-years at the state hospital. The voices and delusions are back and he can't function. He needs treatment and medications, although the anti-psych meds are questionable due to the Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome that he had back in January.

This is not how a person living with serious mental illness should be treated. Something's got to give. I don't know how much more I can take.  I sit here waiting for my phone to ring. The mental health "professionals" had a meeting at ten-o-clock this morning. It's 2:30 p.m. I still haven't heard a word.

 

The hospital where Mitchel is being treated temporarily. While on this hospital's psychiatric unit, Mitchel's voices told him, "Pour hot coffee all over your face." He did. Now he's seriously burned and blistered.

The hospital where Mitchel is being treated temporarily. While on this hospital's psychiatric unit, Mitchel's voices told him, "Pour hot coffee all over your face." He did. Now he's seriously burned and blistered.

From the oldest