I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. ANY ADVICE? Anonymous

Can I please shout profanities? Ugh! My son's in the hospital in Utah. Going on three weeks now.
Following another hospitalization in April.

It seemed like things were going in the right direction — we were working on stabilizing him and filling out Medicaid and disability applications but with no guarantees. 

Just spoke to the social worker about my son's mental status:  "He's really sick."

Then, for the third time in as many days, I'm asked about moving him back to California. I'm told "He's using our resources. We're going to have to eat these past two hospitalizations."

Guilt trip big time. And it keeps happening. The social workers always wind up guilt tripping us. I've been crystal clear with them that in California he will die. We can't have him live with us (his only support system). 

The police here have repeatedly refused to help us when he did live here. He's been brutally beaten twice by the police — removed once by taser. Then, in November, he sustained a life threatening injury. He was found bleeding out. Once he was a little stable at the hospital in Oakland, they turned him out on the street, in the rain, with his foot basically sewn on. He'd put his foot through a window and almost fully amputated it. 

With 40 pain killers in hand, crutches, a boot on his foot, and still psychotic, my son found his way to our doorstep. He'd eaten all the painkillers and was in excruciating pain. He'd lost his crutches and taken the boot off. Because of the psychosis, he refused to go back to the ER. We finally got him to go and then our Utah family stepped in to help. So he made it to Utah. He's now a resident there and because funding isn't in place we're getting guilt tripped again to take him back to California. 

The social worker is pissing me off. I've said, "With a discharge plan, we stand a better chance that he won't go through this revolving door again." But to no avail. Not ever. I'm terrified they're going to Greyhound him back to California and they're just not telling us.

I'm so tired, angry, and frustrated. Thanks for letting me vent. I don't know what to do. Any advice?

Photo Credit: quietseattleFlickr.com 

Photo Credit: quietseattle
Flickr.com

 

FEEDBACK FOR A MOTHER'S DIARY by Dede Ranahan

Beautiful words with an undertone that has caught me…carrying me up and down. Such a good writer that I am grateful to be with you.  I can borrow some courage here.  Janet

I just put it on the list for my book club sometime in the next year.  Candace

I'm reading now.  I live in they Bay Area. Looking forward to more connection. I'm heartbroken you lost Pat. Truly heartbroken.  Renee

Dede: Your writing is captivating! I find that I'm waiting for the next post, like when you finish a good novel and can't wait for the sequel. You and Pat have such a wonderful gift for using words in prose and poetry....thanks for writing this. I can't imagine what you've been dealing with. Carry on...you're making a difference!  Joan

Thank you again and again Dede. I came away with the same good feeling about your stories, how you tell them and the information contained, but I also came away with the wish that I would have had the opportunity to meet Patrick. His demeanor, his sense of humor. I am falling in love with him. Just such an amazing young man. You are so lucky to have him as your Son. Tama

Thank you for your feedback. You give me courage to continue.  Dede

COMING UP THURSDAY, JULY 13, 2017: JULY 15, 2013 - JULY 31, 2013

Gratitude * Pat's Phone * Finances * Giving Blood * Life in the Fast Lane * Hawaii * Mental Health Meeting * "Today's the Day" * One Day * Hope and Despair * Miscalculation * One Wise Old Woman * Leaving Home * The Journey * Daily Challenges * Food and Hunger * Losing It * Diversion

To receive email notices of new book posts, subscribe to A Mother's Diary at soonerthantomorrow.com

A LETTER TO MOM AND DAD AND FAMILY by William Vogel

Laurie Lamsus Vogel writes: "I'm sharing a letter William gave us when we visited him last weekend. This is the hand writing of a 17 year old who has had to have an alpha smart machine (word processing keyboard) due to not being able to write. Whatever Red Rock Canyon is doing with this boy, it's working. "

William/Buddy is in a residential treatment program for serious mental illness.

William's letter to his family.

William's letter to his family.

See "A Letter to My Son" by Laurie Lamsus Vogel on this blog June 27, 2017

 

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ENABLING VERSUS PROTECTING by Margie Altman

Why we need to know the critical difference between enabling and protecting.

Families and friends of the seriously mentally ill are often accused of enabling inappropriate, dysfunctional, and harmful behavior. This label is terribly destructive for those who work tirelessly to help their loved ones and friends. This accusation can and does lead to dismissing the observations and information that families and friends try to impart. When they are viewed as enabling, their views are seen as unimportant and valuable things are disregarded/dismissed.

Enabling, in its negative sense, is the facilitation of harmful, inappropriate behaviors in an active or passive manner. The "enabling" comes from a variety of sources — avoiding stigma and shame, fear of the loved one's reaction to confrontation, lack of education about how to cope with mental illness, and other factors.

Protecting, on the other hand, is a natural feature of human and animal behavior when an individual has become ill, weak, or confused. In the animal kingdom, when survival of the group is at stake, the group may leave the sick individual behind. Protection is the action/behavior of being alert to harmful obstacles in the path of the ill person, identifying dangerous situations and behaviors, and advocating when the individual faces social injustice.

Protection is a necessary part of life for family and friends of our loved ones who struggle with emotional challenges and serious mental illnesses. In this chaotic, unpredictable and stigmatizing world, protection is needed more than ever before.

Margie

Margie

HAPPENING NOW: SHAYLON'S STILL MISSING by Laural Fawcett

I just spoke, by phone, with Laural who is Shaylon's mother. Despite her calls and pleas to various players in the mental health and criminal justice systems, nothing is happening. No one, it seems, will help her find her son.

I've forwarded my blog posts about Shaylon to the Mayor of San Francisco, to the Captain of the Tenderloin Police Station, and to the San Francisco Mental Health Board. No response.

There are hundreds, if not thousands, of Shaylons on the streets of San Francisco. Many have families desperate to find them. The bureaucracy doesn't care.

Shaylon on the street...

Shaylon on the street...

See other posts about Shaylon on June 20, 2017 and June 26, 2017.

 

INSANE CONSEQUENCES: LETTER TO THE SACRAMENTO BEE

June 25, 2017

Dear Editor,

Darrell Steinberg and Dr. Carter correctly note that 20% of the almost $2 billion raised by the Mental Health Services Act ($400 million) is already required to go to Prevention and Early Intervention (PEI) services. As Darrell Steinberg said when lobbying for that program, “We can’t prevent certain mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but we can prevent them from becoming severe and disabling.” That’s what PEI funds were supposed to do.

As the state auditor, two little Hoover Commission reports, the Associated Press and Mental Illness Policy Org have all revealed, that didn’t happen. Programs to improve grades, eliminate divorce, improve job prospects, reduce bullying, gain comfort with sexual identity, and teach art are all being wrapped by counties in a mental health narrative so PEI funds can be diverted to them. So rather than create yet another tax-payer fund “that gives counties financial incentive to infuse far more resources into early intervention for psychosis and serious mood disorders,” why don’t we first ensure that the original $400 million already allocated to that purpose achieves it?

DJ Jaffe

Click on this link to see Insane Consequences on Amazon:
Author, Insane Consequences: How the Mental Health Industry Fails the Mentally Ill

This well-researched and highly critical examination of the state of our mental health system by the industry's most relentless critic presents a new and controversial explanation as to why--in spite of spending $147 billion annually--140,000 seriously mentally ill are homeless, 390,000 are incarcerated, and even educated, tenacious, and caring people can't get treatment for their mentally ill loved ones.  
 

A LETTER TO MY SON by Laurie Lamsus Vogel

I finally got my parents' family therapy packet from my son's residential treatment facility. (Yep, we have homework and I still love this place.) My first assignment was his biography, then yesterday, I had to read him a letter I wrote about what his life might have been like if he didn't go into residential treatment. We've talked about this often because he's been gone 6 years. His entire adolescent years -- eleven to seventeen. Here's the letter I wrote to him. It wasn't in detail because I was at the ER with a possible broken hand when I wrote it. 

To My Dearest William,

I know you're tired of being in treatment and want to come home. We want you home, too. You are so close to being ready and we look forward to the day you come home for good. I want you to know that being in treatment has saved you from a terrible future. 

Before you went to residential, you had many unsafe behaviors which were putting you in danger. If you'd continued to run away, and had succeeded, you'd likely be living on the streets with no love or support. You wouldn't have food or water or a warm bed to sleep in. You wouldn't be getting the treatment and medication you need. The likelihood that you'd start self-medicating with alcohol and drugs is high. Then, the people you'd associate with could be bad people and either hurt you, or worse. The aggressive behavior would probably come back and you'd most likely hurt someone and possibly end up in jail. Most inmates are mentally ill and didn't get the treatment they needed. Most of them keep committing crimes and are in and out of jail. Also, if you were to hurt someone, I think it would make you sad because you have a good heart and don't like seeing people hurt. 

You have a bright future ahead and I know, when you graduate the program and come home, you'll be ready to be a productive member of society. I'm so proud of how far you've come and I love you more than words can say. 

Love, Mom

William

William